Interesting
Scientific Theories
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are the winning entries from a contest for some of the most promising new scientific
theories. THE RUNNERS-UP: 4th
Runner-up -- The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just
as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close
to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously
fast. 3rd Runner-up -- Communist China is
technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet. The lack of an alphabet
means the Chinese cannot use "acronyms"; thus, they cannot communicate their ideas
at a faster rate. 2nd Runner-up -- The "Why
Yawning Is Contagious" Theory: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums.
This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures,
so they too must yawn to even it all out. 1st
Runner-up -- If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number
of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number
of highway signs, they will eventually produce all tehe world's greatest literary
works in Braille. Honorable Mention -- The
quantitiy of consonants in the English language is absolutely constant. If consonants
are omitted in one geographic area, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian
"pahks" his "cah", the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh"
his car and invest in "erl wells." Grand Prize
Winner -- When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet; and when toast
is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. Therefore, if
buttered toast is strapped to the back of a cat, when dropped, the two will hover,
spinning inches above the ground, probably into eternity. A "buttered-cat array"
could replace pneumatic tires on cars and trucks, and "giant buttered-cat arrays"
could easily allow a high-speed monorail linking New York with Chicago.
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